The Blemished Rose

I can only take others as far as I’ve come, that’s why it’s so essential for counsellors to walk the path of a client and evolve as a person. When I see a client with low self-esteem sat before me who struggled to make it to the session, I remind myself of the day when I just about dragged myself out of bed and attended my first therapy session in my pyjamas. At least I made it, but I can relate to that heavy feeling that doesn’t want us to leave the house and face our shadow side. That’s what enables me to have empathy for those walking a similar path to that which I have taken. I applaud those who have the courage to take that first step towards healing, not knowing what demons they may have to face along the way. We’ve probably all met people who are in denial in our lives, those that say “I don’t need counselling” whilst they harbour resentment for the attention they never received as a child and suppress it with drink or other methods. And while we may be able to see how they de...

During the current coronavirus situation, more and more people are turning to the media as a source of information, which results in additional anxiety and fear. I see a major flaw in the way that the media communicates with the public as they don’t appear to consider those who are mentally suffering. I often hear ‘we must all pull together in this crisis’, which is all very well for those who are able, but what about those who are already mentally unstable? A depressed person, for example, may not feel able to ‘do their bit for the community’ as just getting out of bed may feel like a chore for them. As a result, they may feel worse about themselves for not being able to help and feelings of guilt may arise.  How has the lockdown affected you? You may have experienced a whirlwind of emotions as your life has changed drastically. In particular, if your life purpose or livelihood has been pulled from under your feet and you wonder what you have left to live for. Thoughts of se...

Sexual abuse or any form of psychological abuse can have lasting effects on a survivor, and in particular will have a detrimental impact on one’s self worth. The main issue is that the value of a survivor of abuse will have been falsely defined by others, which can cause huge problems with identity. As a result of abuse, a survivor will be conditioned to accept that they don’t deserve as much as others and they won’t know how to build a healthy self-esteem. It is common for survivors of abuse to internalise negative thoughts about themselves since abuse damages one’s self worth.  Something important for a survivor to remember is: your abuser’s mistreatment of you does not dictate your value. Surviving abuse and rebuilding self-esteem is not an easy journey but it is possible. Here are some steps that can help someone on their journey. Have a support network It can really help to reach out to friends and family, and talking openly about your issues and healing process ...

On the morning of my recent birthday this year, I quietly contemplated my life and previous celebrations. A tear rolled down my cheek as I started to remember my younger self trying to look happy, but on the inside she was in pain and felt very confused. It was such a powerful memory because as I delved deep inside my soul, I was able to tap into a buried emotion that I didn’t know still existed. Upon reflection, I realise that I felt overwhelmed by people’s kindness and attention on that annual day; behaviour that can easily confuse a child who is being abused. And the end of the day would culminate in an anti-climax that would often lead me to feel very low and tearful. That poor little girl was crying out for help internally but no one could hear her. Over the years I haven’t always enjoyed or wanted to celebrate my birthday and I now understand why. The low self-worth that was ingrained from a young age remained with me for a long time, and as a result, I didn’t feel worthy of ...

Last year, when I was having weekly counselling sessions, I drew a little sketch to illustrate some of my issues. I realised that most of my problems are a result of the core issue: CSA. Counselling enabled me to work through some of my issues and grow in confidence like a blooming rose.                                               When I wrote about these issues last year, I realised that some triggers were making me feel the same way that I did as a child. As I started to feel more confident, I realised that I didn’t deserve to feel that way. The last statement before each rose includes the word ‘deserve’, these are the statements I wrote:                                 ...

I’ve decided to write a follow-up post about my experience of EMDR therapy. I want to share my experience as much as possible in the hope that other survivors will become aware of how beneficial EMDR can be. I didn’t know anything about EMDR prior to my counsellor suggesting it but when I did my own research, I found it quite fascinating.                         I’m going to try to analyse my own case. I was sexually abused repeatedly over many years so my natural coping mechanisms became overloaded. As a result, the memories remained frozen in my brain and unprocessed, in a raw form. Every time I heard the perpetrator's name I would experience painful feelings such as panic and anger, those feelings were constantly triggered and I was unable to live in the present. EMDR enabled me to process the traumatic memories in a natural way and has enabled me to live in the present again.             ...

Over the past 4 months I’ve been having counselling sessions due to the fact that I’ve been involuntarily living in the past. The biggest trigger I have had to deal with has been mention of the abuser, which has often caught me unawares. For most of the year I have been on tenterhooks, wondering when the perpetrator’s name would be mentioned. Due to these common occurrences, I significantly lost confidence and had low self-esteem.           I’ve often wondered why the human body can heal itself from physical wounds whereas mental wounds are harder to heal. That’s why counselling of any kind is extremely beneficial and being in control of our mental health is very important. I am so grateful to my counsellor who suggested EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing). EMDR is quite amazing as it assists the natural healing ability of the body.               ...

In my previous post I wrote about self-portraits and how effective they can be for building self-esteem. For a couple of years now I’ve wanted to work with photographers, this year I finally plucked up the courage and went for it. It wasn’t an easy thing to do initially, especially as trusting people isn’t an easy thing for me to do, but I’m glad that I decided to take the plunge. I’ve certainly seen and experienced a lot in the modelling world this year, and there are some things that have really appalled me. For example, on a forum, a 24 year old lady expressed her desire to be a model only to be told by a photographer that she shouldn’t bother as she’s too old. I couldn’t believe what I read! 24 too old? I think it’s a young age, so young in fact that she might be influenced by a comment like that and give up. Regarding the trust issue, unfortunately, it hasn’t all been plain sailing and I’ve dealt with some unreliable people. It’s not simply a case of trusting someone to turn u...