The Blemished Rose

We’re all living in uncertain times as cities and countries are going into lockdown during this Covid-19 pandemic. Along with fear of the unknown comes anxiety and catastrophizing which can spiral into a whirlwind of panic. But we mustn’t let a pandemic make us feel like victims; we can’t control what is happening out there but we can control ourselves. There are things that we can do to manage anxiety and fear at a time like this. Limit media time It’s inevitable that during a pandemic we want to be informed on the latest countrywide and worldwide news and updates, but there’s a lot of misinformation and fearmongering out there so be discerning about what you read. Limit the amount of time you spend watching the news as this can feed your anxiety rather than ease it. Perhaps consider having a specific time that you check for updates each day and keep it at that. If it is easier for you to avoid media altogether, ask someone you trust to pass on important information to you...

Over the past 4 months I’ve been having counselling sessions due to the fact that I’ve been involuntarily living in the past. The biggest trigger I have had to deal with has been mention of the abuser, which has often caught me unawares. For most of the year I have been on tenterhooks, wondering when the perpetrator’s name would be mentioned. Due to these common occurrences, I significantly lost confidence and had low self-esteem.           I’ve often wondered why the human body can heal itself from physical wounds whereas mental wounds are harder to heal. That’s why counselling of any kind is extremely beneficial and being in control of our mental health is very important. I am so grateful to my counsellor who suggested EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing). EMDR is quite amazing as it assists the natural healing ability of the body.               ...

Last year I didn’t write many posts because it was quite a tough year for me. I haven’t felt like writing but now I feel I should because what I write might help or reassure others in some way. I returned home after a long stint in Asia, to visit family and due to the fact that a family member had been seriously ill. As a result of that illness the family member, who I will refer to as Bob, has developed dementia. Obviously it has affected my entire family in different ways and it has affected me in ways I never expected. The main problems I have faced are the fact that Bob will mention my abuser in conversation at any given moment. Initially I wasn’t prepared for that and it would trigger me immensely. Bob also seems to have forgotten that I was abused by this other family member, so that is equally upsetting and very difficult for me to deal with. My health has also suffered and my ongoing stomach problems have intensified due to the stress. I was finally diagnosed with IBS tow...

This evening I looked back at old posts that I wrote on a forum, the majority of which I wrote when I had a major crisis in 2006. There’s an interesting post where I mentioned something that my therapist once said to me, which was: “You’re very strong, one day you’ll see it.” When I finished having therapy due to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, I felt so strong and confident. However, 2 months after finishing therapy I was raped. I suddenly felt like I had taken a massive jump back. Because I was working as a teacher, I had to take time off work as I lost a lot of confidence. Unfortunately, some people showed their true colours during that very low time in my life and now that I’m strong I want to write about it here. I want people to realise what it feels like to suffer so much injustice in life and the effects it has. I confided in the colleagues at my school and I was shocked when one colleague asked me if I thought I had really been raped as I had been drugged. Of ...