The Blemished Rose

I recently saw a thought provoking question on Twitter and felt the urge to answer. It said: “If you are a survivor of abuse, what might have helped you to tell someone sooner?” It is certainly a difficult question to answer because I can’t imagine how things might have been different for me. I was a very open, talkative child but still I stayed silent. Survivors of abuse carry a lot of shame and will therefore keep the secret to themselves for a long time, usually for as long as about 20 years. However, as a society it is within our power to change this pattern and ensure that children are protected and able to speak openly. Firstly, I believe it is the responsibility of adults, such as parents, teachers and doctors, to be aware of behaviour in children and how it differs in those who are being abused. The next step would be to arrange a therapeutic intervention with a child that might enable disclosure; this could be made easier for children if they are educated on the topic of a...

When someone shares a difficult or painful story, it is sometimes hard to know what to say. But an uncomfortable silence can sometimes hurt us more than words. In the case of survivors of abuse, they have probably hidden their story for a long time. Therefore, breaking the silence is of utmost importance. So imagine how they might feel if their story and feelings are not acknowledged? Our response can be simple but effective, and most importantly it can show that we empathise. Whenever I listen to survivors and they share something that I sense is difficult, I say, “I’m sorry to hear about your experience, and I’m sorry that you are hurting right now.” My response not only shows empathy, but it also shows that I am joining the survivor in breaking the silence. I also thank survivors for sharing their story because I know how difficult it can be to put a traumatic experience into words. Unfortunately, some people are insensitive and ignorant, and they are the people that could b...

Last September when I met my MP to air my views about mental health services in the UK, I was unsure of the consequences but went ahead nonetheless. I remember telling him that I would like to be a spokesperson for other survivors of abuse and I stand by that statement. Now that I have the strength to come forward and speak out I don’t think I’ll ever look back. A letter was sent on my behalf to Mike Penning MP (Minister of State for Policing, Crime, Criminal Justice and Victims) outlining my views on the lack of counselling facilities for CSA survivors. I highlighted the lack of resources in the south London area in particular. In Mr Penning’s response he stated that in recognition of the demand for services of rape support centres, the Ministry of Justice has awarded an uplift of £2 million to organisations it supports. He also said that I should contact Rape Crisis if I am in need of counselling services. I am aware of Rape Crisis and the good work that they do, however, last year...

The topic of suicide sometimes rears its head in the media but, like mental health, there is a stigma attached to it. I must admit that I’ve wanted to write about the subject for quite some time now but haven’t known how to broach the subject efficiently. I guess it’s a difficult subject for anyone to talk about but it’s not something that we can ignore as it affects so many people who are left behind. When I read accounts of families/friends who have lost loved ones to suicide, a frequent question asked is “Why did he/she do it?” It will always be impossible to know exactly why someone chose to end their life as there are lots of possible underlying reasons. However, it is worth noting that over 90% of people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death.  Everyone goes through rocky patches in their lives but some people have been dealt a tougher hand when it comes to life circumstances. Vulnerability to suicide could be a result of: a history of sex...

Following the meeting with my local MP, I have been forwarded the response by Alistair Burt (Minister of State for Community and Social Care). In the letter he states that improving mental health and treating mental illness are key priorities for NHS England. One of the core objectives is to put mental health on a par with physical health, and to close the gap between people with mental health problems and the population as a whole. According to Mr Burt, there is no cap on the number of counselling sessions per person. He goes on to say that whilst the Department of Health is responsible for setting the strategic direction of health and social care, local clinical commissioning groups are responsible for commissioning therapy sessions based on local need. He advised me to contact my local NHS with my concerns.  I have spoken with about 10 people in various parts of the UK who have also previously had counselling via the NHS. All of these people were offered a maximum of 6 c...

Last year, when I was having weekly counselling sessions, I drew a little sketch to illustrate some of my issues. I realised that most of my problems are a result of the core issue: CSA. Counselling enabled me to work through some of my issues and grow in confidence like a blooming rose.                                               When I wrote about these issues last year, I realised that some triggers were making me feel the same way that I did as a child. As I started to feel more confident, I realised that I didn’t deserve to feel that way. The last statement before each rose includes the word ‘deserve’, these are the statements I wrote:                                 ...

As a result of my last blog post I was spurred on to write to my local MP about mental health services in the UK. I was invited to his surgery and met him yesterday. I voiced my opinion and said that I am speaking on behalf of all survivors who are in need of support.                                                               We discussed support available to survivors during and after a court case. I spoke about my own experience and the fact that I received no support, unfortunately hit rock bottom and tried to take my life. Only then was I offered a lifeline, which in all honesty changed my life. I said that in my case, and in the case of many others, when we finally remember and admit what happened to us, our first instinct is to stop the perpetrator from reoffending. Obviously we are putting the safety of others b...