The Blemished Rose

There are many issues I’ve had to work through, some of which I’m still challenged with today. I’ve found it useful if I can analyze why I feel certain emotions in different situations and the triggers that can cause my mood to change so quickly. In a previous post, I wrote about the fact that bathrooms are a huge trigger. To recap, as a child I’d frequently be on the toilet and the abuser would be outside the door trying to come in (my cousin would often be in the room with me, holding the door). Bathrooms have been a challenge but I’ve found a few ways to make it easier, such as: leaving the bathroom door open when at home or only using toilets I’ve used before and feel comfortable with. My biggest challenge has probably been here in China, where I live. The toilets here are often dirty, squat toilets and, in schools, they rarely have a door. I’ve visited many schools around China for my job and if I need to use the bathroom, I don’t know what to expect until I get there. A rece...

Though I’m not tremendously religious, I’ve been known to fast at Easter time. This year I decided to do a spiritual fast again and so far, it’s been very insightful. What I’ve noticed in the past is just how greedy some people can be and how much people take luxuries for granted. Just the other day I had lunch in a place where a buffet was available. As I sat writing and mainly drinking coffee, I couldn’t help but stare at the stacks of food people were piling onto their plates. There was enough food to feed an entire village of poor people but instead it was feeding a small group of hungry vultures. I didn’t even get the urge to splurge and stuff my face, instead I just lost my appetite. I think that fasting is a great way to discipline oneself and realise how fortunate we are to have food and water, some are not as fortunate. Although I’m on a good wage and live in a nice flat, I am still very grateful for what I have and realise that one day it could all change and I could have n...