The Blemished Rose

It would seem that year upon year more stories emerge about child sexual abuse within the church and its ongoing attempts to cover up crimes. I recently came across a film made in 1990 called Judgment, which is based on a true story about a young boy who was sexually abused by his local priest. I’m sure that when the film came out in the 90s it was ground breaking in contrast to current headlines which often include this familiar theme. A couple of things have spurred me on to write this post, perhaps the most significant one was the very moving scene at the end of the film where the young boy trashed his bedroom as a way of releasing the inner rage he was clearly experiencing. It’s a scene that I could relate to in many ways, and seeing it re-enacted so convincingly had quite an impact. Survivors can be triggered at any given moment and that’s also something I wanted to expand on. In another scene in the film, the boy’s father was about to beat the boy and yelled, “Take your pants ...

I feel the need to write a post today due to the injustice that continues to happen in the world. The recent UK scandal involving Jimmy Savile is sickening, not only the way he abused his power and took advantage of vulnerable children, but also the fact that many people turned a blind eye. I believe that anyone who knows of abuse taking place but doesn’t intervene, should also be blamed for the wrongdoing; they are accomplices in a crime. My aunt, for example, knew I was abused but let it continue year after year. I blame her for not having the courage to confront her brother or report him. I really feel for the hundreds of people who were abused by Savile years ago but I admire their strength for coming forward. I only hope that they are compensated with the earnings that the criminal didn’t deserve. I also respect Savile’s family for removing his gravestone. In turn, it has made me angry to think that some of my family paid for a headstone for my abuser. I do not believe he, or ...

It’s the time of year when many families around the world come together, and celebrate in unison. It’s unfortunate that many of those families don’t unite in peace but instead, old family feuds are brought up and emotions intensify. I think that when most people think about Christmas, good or bad memories spring to mind. For some people it might bring them joy and peace when they think back to Christmas festivities. For others it might bring painful memories of suffering and miserable times. In my case, I have a mixture of both positive and negative memories. Although I experienced abuse as a child, I have to say that most of my childhood Christmas memories are good. I have fond memories of my Nan coming to stay with us every year, enjoying good food together and opening presents from under the tree on Christmas morning. There was only one Christmas spent in Italy, in the company of the abuser. Ironically, it’s been in adult life that I’ve had to live with stress and strong em...

Everyone experiences ups and downs in life, as they say, it's like a rollercoaster. Sometimes I wonder why we are thrown certain obstacles that we have to tackle; perhaps they help us build up strength so that next time it's not as difficult to jump over the hurdle. Something that seems to be constantly thrown in my face though is happy families. I must admit that sometimes it's hard to face something I never had and possibly never will have. Coming from a disjointed family makes it rather difficult seeing others who appear to be so happy. I watched a movie today that featured a large family. Although they had clearly been through a lot together, watching them have fun didn't make me laugh but made me feel sad. They went through bad times together but spoke openly about their feelings and emotions, something my family could never do. In my family, feelings were expressed through shouting, violence, anger and arguments. It was a lot of hot air for nothing that left e...

Confronting my abuser was something I decided to do towards the end of my therapy, so I asked my counsellor what her opinion was and she told me if it was what I wanted, that I should do it. Therefore, I had a few extra counselling sessions in order to prepare for the confrontation. During those sessions, I practiced what I wanted to say to the abuser and my counsellor and I did a kind of role-play. She prepared me for the worst by pretending to walk away from me and not want to listen. Finally, that all-important day arrived where I would confront the person who abused me all those years ago. I felt very strong as I was travelling to the house with my father and as though I had nerves of steel. When I was face to face with the abuser, I didn’t shout but calmly said, “I’ve come here to say, I’m not scared of you, you can’t hurt me anymore and I will come here when I want. I did nothing wrong but you did.” “You’re talking about something that happened 20 years ago.” He blurted out. ...