The Blemished Rose

In my previous post I wrote about self-portraits and how effective they can be for building self-esteem. For a couple of years now I’ve wanted to work with photographers, this year I finally plucked up the courage and went for it. It wasn’t an easy thing to do initially, especially as trusting people isn’t an easy thing for me to do, but I’m glad that I decided to take the plunge. I’ve certainly seen and experienced a lot in the modelling world this year, and there are some things that have really appalled me. For example, on a forum, a 24 year old lady expressed her desire to be a model only to be told by a photographer that she shouldn’t bother as she’s too old. I couldn’t believe what I read! 24 too old? I think it’s a young age, so young in fact that she might be influenced by a comment like that and give up. Regarding the trust issue, unfortunately, it hasn’t all been plain sailing and I’ve dealt with some unreliable people. It’s not simply a case of trusting someone to turn u...

As I’ve previously mentioned in posts, I’ve reignited my passion for the things I loved doing as a child, such as: writing poetry and songs, drawing, taking photos and dancing. Ballet was always my first passion and I started training at 4 years old. I’ve started doing more ballet recently for pure enjoyment and because it’s such a good form of physical exercise. As I’ve started remembering steps and things I learnt, I’ve also started remembering things I experienced in the dance world. I have fond memories of dance competitions I took part in and a memory of an adjudicator referring to me as “a budding little dancer.” It was when I got older that I experienced how cutthroat the theatre world really can be. A theatre performance can seem so glamorous with all the fancy costumes, dazzling smiles and dramatic lighting but the real drama often happens behind the scenes in a world that is so competitive. Performers can be so critical of one another, as well as themselves, and won’t hesitat...

About 4 years ago, I started taking self-portraits; I didn’t really know why I was taking them other than for enjoyment. I would usually take the photos when I was in a particular mood, for example if I was feeling very happy or a little sad. In the past couple of months I’ve realised the reason behind my self-portraits, I believe they are for therapeutic purposes. After having felt so ugly and worthless for many years, the photos have helped me improve my confidence and self-esteem. In some photos, I do ballet poses; I feel this has helped me connect even more with my inner child who loved ballet so much. I’ve not only developed a photographic journal but also a love and passion for photography and modelling. Photography was another hobby I enjoyed as a child but as I gradually gave up on life, I inevitably gave up on my creative skills too. I’ve been reflecting on my life and, although I’ve been successful in the things I’ve chosen to do, I also feel that so many years were wasted....