The Blemished Rose

As I’ve previously mentioned in posts, I’ve reignited my passion for the things I loved doing as a child, such as: writing poetry and songs, drawing, taking photos and dancing. Ballet was always my first passion and I started training at 4 years old. I’ve started doing more ballet recently for pure enjoyment and because it’s such a good form of physical exercise. As I’ve started remembering steps and things I learnt, I’ve also started remembering things I experienced in the dance world. I have fond memories of dance competitions I took part in and a memory of an adjudicator referring to me as “a budding little dancer.” It was when I got older that I experienced how cutthroat the theatre world really can be. A theatre performance can seem so glamorous with all the fancy costumes, dazzling smiles and dramatic lighting but the real drama often happens behind the scenes in a world that is so competitive. Performers can be so critical of one another, as well as themselves, and won’t hesitat

About 4 years ago, I started taking self-portraits; I didn’t really know why I was taking them other than for enjoyment. I would usually take the photos when I was in a particular mood, for example if I was feeling very happy or a little sad. In the past couple of months I’ve realised the reason behind my self-portraits, I believe they are for therapeutic purposes. After having felt so ugly and worthless for many years, the photos have helped me improve my confidence and self-esteem. In some photos, I do ballet poses; I feel this has helped me connect even more with my inner child who loved ballet so much. I’ve not only developed a photographic journal but also a love and passion for photography and modelling. Photography was another hobby I enjoyed as a child but as I gradually gave up on life, I inevitably gave up on my creative skills too. I’ve been reflecting on my life and, although I’ve been successful in the things I’ve chosen to do, I also feel that so many years were wasted.