The Blemished Rose

During the current coronavirus situation, more and more people are turning to the media as a source of information, which results in additional anxiety and fear. I see a major flaw in the way that the media communicates with the public as they don’t appear to consider those who are mentally suffering. I often hear ‘we must all pull together in this crisis’, which is all very well for those who are able, but what about those who are already mentally unstable? A depressed person, for example, may not feel able to ‘do their bit for the community’ as just getting out of bed may feel like a chore for them. As a result, they may feel worse about themselves for not being able to help and feelings of guilt may arise.  How has the lockdown affected you? You may have experienced a whirlwind of emotions as your life has changed drastically. In particular, if your life purpose or livelihood has been pulled from under your feet and you wonder what you have left to live for. Thoughts of se...

We’re all living in uncertain times as cities and countries are going into lockdown during this Covid-19 pandemic. Along with fear of the unknown comes anxiety and catastrophizing which can spiral into a whirlwind of panic. But we mustn’t let a pandemic make us feel like victims; we can’t control what is happening out there but we can control ourselves. There are things that we can do to manage anxiety and fear at a time like this. Limit media time It’s inevitable that during a pandemic we want to be informed on the latest countrywide and worldwide news and updates, but there’s a lot of misinformation and fearmongering out there so be discerning about what you read. Limit the amount of time you spend watching the news as this can feed your anxiety rather than ease it. Perhaps consider having a specific time that you check for updates each day and keep it at that. If it is easier for you to avoid media altogether, ask someone you trust to pass on important information to you...

Last year I didn’t write many posts because it was quite a tough year for me. I haven’t felt like writing but now I feel I should because what I write might help or reassure others in some way. I returned home after a long stint in Asia, to visit family and due to the fact that a family member had been seriously ill. As a result of that illness the family member, who I will refer to as Bob, has developed dementia. Obviously it has affected my entire family in different ways and it has affected me in ways I never expected. The main problems I have faced are the fact that Bob will mention my abuser in conversation at any given moment. Initially I wasn’t prepared for that and it would trigger me immensely. Bob also seems to have forgotten that I was abused by this other family member, so that is equally upsetting and very difficult for me to deal with. My health has also suffered and my ongoing stomach problems have intensified due to the stress. I was finally diagnosed with IBS tow...

There are many issues I’ve had to work through, some of which I’m still challenged with today. I’ve found it useful if I can analyze why I feel certain emotions in different situations and the triggers that can cause my mood to change so quickly. In a previous post, I wrote about the fact that bathrooms are a huge trigger. To recap, as a child I’d frequently be on the toilet and the abuser would be outside the door trying to come in (my cousin would often be in the room with me, holding the door). Bathrooms have been a challenge but I’ve found a few ways to make it easier, such as: leaving the bathroom door open when at home or only using toilets I’ve used before and feel comfortable with. My biggest challenge has probably been here in China, where I live. The toilets here are often dirty, squat toilets and, in schools, they rarely have a door. I’ve visited many schools around China for my job and if I need to use the bathroom, I don’t know what to expect until I get there. A rece...

It’s the time of year when many families around the world come together, and celebrate in unison. It’s unfortunate that many of those families don’t unite in peace but instead, old family feuds are brought up and emotions intensify. I think that when most people think about Christmas, good or bad memories spring to mind. For some people it might bring them joy and peace when they think back to Christmas festivities. For others it might bring painful memories of suffering and miserable times. In my case, I have a mixture of both positive and negative memories. Although I experienced abuse as a child, I have to say that most of my childhood Christmas memories are good. I have fond memories of my Nan coming to stay with us every year, enjoying good food together and opening presents from under the tree on Christmas morning. There was only one Christmas spent in Italy, in the company of the abuser. Ironically, it’s been in adult life that I’ve had to live with stress and strong em...