The Blemished Rose

As an abuse survivor, I know that we need to be patient with ourselves in our healing process and learn how to self-soothe and care for ourselves. In that process, we may need to make very difficult life decisions that involve moving on from certain people in our lives who wish to hurt us. I guess that’s when we become aware that we are indeed initiating self-care and putting ourselves first rather than following the idealised views of others in society. What saddens me, is the fact that some people are unable to show the same patience with an abuse survivor and instead view them as selfish or stuck in the past. Some of those people are unable to see that an abuse survivor may need to distance themselves from certain places or people in order to heal and become stronger. Instead they tell a survivor that they should make the effort to see people who hurt them and move on from their past. But how can an abuse survivor move on from their past when certain people are insensitive or want ...

Sexual abuse or any form of psychological abuse can have lasting effects on a survivor, and in particular will have a detrimental impact on one’s self worth. The main issue is that the value of a survivor of abuse will have been falsely defined by others, which can cause huge problems with identity. As a result of abuse, a survivor will be conditioned to accept that they don’t deserve as much as others and they won’t know how to build a healthy self-esteem. It is common for survivors of abuse to internalise negative thoughts about themselves since abuse damages one’s self worth.  Something important for a survivor to remember is: your abuser’s mistreatment of you does not dictate your value. Surviving abuse and rebuilding self-esteem is not an easy journey but it is possible. Here are some steps that can help someone on their journey. Have a support network It can really help to reach out to friends and family, and talking openly about your issues and healing process ...

PTSD often causes physical symptoms in people due to a release of hormones. People with PTSD will often keep releasing these hormones even when no longer in danger as ‘fight or flight’ is the natural learnt response. Recently I explained the process of flashbacks to colleagues, and thought it might be worth writing about from first-hand knowledge. In essence, flashbacks are an experience in which one relives a traumatic event and feels as though it is happening at that moment; they're often a result of PTSD, which can be a unique experience to each person that experiences it. When I endured flashbacks, my body would become rigid and I would feel like I was back in that awful place from my past. They would usually be brief but I believe that for some people they can persist for hours or even days. Overall, the flashbacks felt horrible and I often felt so alone and helpless during those episodes. Thankfully I had a great therapist who helped me to cope with them and eventually I ...

Child sexual abuse (CSA) has lifelong effects that are often not recognised or understood. Sexual abuse usually takes place in secret and is therefore kept secret. Due to the silence surrounding CSA, children are forced to endure the abuse and its effects alone. As a result, adult survivors often continue to feel alone and isolated. It is quite common for survivors to not remember the details but only have a vague recollection that something wrong has happened. As a child I learnt many coping mechanisms, one of which was to pretend nothing was wrong. My story had been written but I decided to rip it to shreds, lock it up in a cupboard and throw away the key. That locked cupboard remained untouched for many years until one tragic day; the day I found the key to my inner pain and depression. During the ensuing period I can only describe what I experienced as shock and inner turmoil. My whole life had been turned upside down in a split second and I felt alone and helpless. It would be...