Healing isn't as easy as putting a plaster on the wound

As an abuse survivor, I know that we need to be patient with ourselves in our healing process and learn how to self-soothe and care for ourselves. In that process, we may need to make very difficult life decisions that involve moving on from certain people in our lives who wish to hurt us. I guess that’s when we become aware that we are indeed initiating self-care and putting ourselves first rather than following the idealised views of others in society.

What saddens me, is the fact that some people are unable to show the same patience with an abuse survivor and instead view them as selfish or stuck in the past. Some of those people are unable to see that an abuse survivor may need to distance themselves from certain places or people in order to heal and become stronger. Instead they tell a survivor that they should make the effort to see people who hurt them and move on from their past. But how can an abuse survivor move on from their past when certain people are insensitive or want to bring up old wounds from which they’re still healing? It’s not as easy as putting a plaster on the wound and simply ‘moving on.’

In fact, if a survivor keeps putting themselves back in a traumatic situation, it could take a lot longer for them to heal, especially if wounds are continually reopened. Looking back on my past, I can see that that was the case for myself. Having healed quite well and progressed in my life in different areas, old wounds would still resurface during difficult situations. The positive for me was that I was able to see the things I still needed to heal and process but the negative side would be the way in which it would happen, which would often involve retraumatisation.

We live in a society where victim blaming is prevalent and sadly this will be experienced by many abuse survivors who are just trying to heal and get on with their lives. It’s a shame that so many are ignorant and unable to look within themselves enough to have compassion for survivors - instead they feel the need to pass judgement on life choices which have actually emanated from self-care. A one sided view would say “you should go and visit your family”, whereas an open minded, compassionate view would say “you must do what’s best for you and your healing.” Ultimately, the healing process is about us, not other people that we feel we must please.