The Blemished Rose

I've previously written about the way that David Gray's music really helped me during difficult times. I was very fortunate to see him live in concert recently and what a great experience that was. As I watched David perform on stage, I experienced a flood of emotions and I knew that it would inspire me to write a poem. So here it is: Gray's Antidote waves of robust timbre illume the veiled depths with hints of shimmering indigo infused with limpid tears notes ripple with serenity healing noxious wounds like a brush of silken feathers that smooths each ingrained crease a storm induced crescendo eliminates the dust that settled for too long in crevices unseen while tones of thunder build and warm up frozen blues sweet aria licks give breath to the wind ‘til sombre clouds pass away ©  Paola Borella

PTSD often causes physical symptoms in people due to a release of hormones. People with PTSD will often keep releasing these hormones even when no longer in danger as ‘fight or flight’ is the natural learnt response. Recently I explained the process of flashbacks to colleagues, and thought it might be worth writing about from first-hand knowledge. In essence, flashbacks are an experience in which one relives a traumatic event and feels as though it is happening at that moment; they're often a result of PTSD, which can be a unique experience to each person that experiences it. When I endured flashbacks, my body would become rigid and I would feel like I was back in that awful place from my past. They would usually be brief but I believe that for some people they can persist for hours or even days. Overall, the flashbacks felt horrible and I often felt so alone and helpless during those episodes. Thankfully I had a great therapist who helped me to cope with them and eventually I ...

I mentioned in a previous post how music can trigger good or bad memories. I’m sure that most people can relate to this. Today a song played during the closing credits of a TV programme and it triggered an old memory. The song was “Shout” by Tears for Fears. Listening to that song took me back to the summer of 1985 in Italy, when I was 7. A young Italian boy there didn’t speak English but he knew the lyrics to that song and he kept singing over and over: “Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without” The lyrics are rather poignant and it’s ironic how the boy didn’t understand what he was singing. That boy was another one of the poor children who suffered at the hands of my abusive uncle. The point I’m trying to make with this post is that survivors don’t constantly live in the past, however, there are things that may happen in our everyday lives that force us to remember the times that weren’t so nice. Many of us have memories that have been repressed for m...

Music has healing powers and can affect people in many ways. Oftentimes people associate songs with memories, whether they are good or bad. Sometimes a song’s lyrics can really have an impact on us and it might seem as though the song was written about a particular situation we have experienced. That’s how music connects us so much in the world. We’ve all been through different things in our lives but some of us have been through similar experiences and can empathise with one another. Music is an international language and such a great form of expression. I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember and I feel it’s really helped me in my healing process. Dance was my first way of expressing myself to music. As soon as I could walk, I would twirl around the house on my toes, and still do! I also have memories of me as a child, sitting on the swing in the garden, and making up songs. I remember how I used to imagine I was in a music video while doing it. It all progressed from there...