The Blemished Rose

PTSD often causes physical symptoms in people due to a release of hormones. People with PTSD will often keep releasing these hormones even when no longer in danger as ‘fight or flight’ is the natural learnt response. Recently I explained the process of flashbacks to colleagues, and thought it might be worth writing about from first-hand knowledge. In essence, flashbacks are an experience in which one relives a traumatic event and feels as though it is happening at that moment; they're often a result of PTSD, which can be a unique experience to each person that experiences it. When I endured flashbacks, my body would become rigid and I would feel like I was back in that awful place from my past. They would usually be brief but I believe that for some people they can persist for hours or even days. Overall, the flashbacks felt horrible and I often felt so alone and helpless during those episodes. Thankfully I had a great therapist who helped me to cope with them and eventually I ...

As a survivor of sexual abuse a term I’m familiar with, and have often experienced, is the fight or flight response. I believe it is our way of surviving instinctively when faced with traumatic situations. In my reflections over the past couple of months, I’ve noticed that in certain situations I feel unable to fight or walk away, instead I simply freeze. Intrigued by this revelation and interested in finding out more, I did some research and was relieved to find that the fight or flight response is now referred to as the fight, flight or freeze response. I’m sure we have all seen footage of predatory attacks where an animal suddenly “plays dead” in order to potentially survive. It’s interesting how humans adapt the same technique in dangerous situations. I recently saw a film of a polar bear being chased, he suddenly froze and his body started shaking. Seeing this image of the polar bear shaking made me cast my mind back to a traumatic event in my life. I remember the way my body sh...

Following the meeting with my local MP, I have been forwarded the response by Alistair Burt (Minister of State for Community and Social Care). In the letter he states that improving mental health and treating mental illness are key priorities for NHS England. One of the core objectives is to put mental health on a par with physical health, and to close the gap between people with mental health problems and the population as a whole. According to Mr Burt, there is no cap on the number of counselling sessions per person. He goes on to say that whilst the Department of Health is responsible for setting the strategic direction of health and social care, local clinical commissioning groups are responsible for commissioning therapy sessions based on local need. He advised me to contact my local NHS with my concerns.  I have spoken with about 10 people in various parts of the UK who have also previously had counselling via the NHS. All of these people were offered a maximum of 6 c...

As a result of my last blog post I was spurred on to write to my local MP about mental health services in the UK. I was invited to his surgery and met him yesterday. I voiced my opinion and said that I am speaking on behalf of all survivors who are in need of support.                                                               We discussed support available to survivors during and after a court case. I spoke about my own experience and the fact that I received no support, unfortunately hit rock bottom and tried to take my life. Only then was I offered a lifeline, which in all honesty changed my life. I said that in my case, and in the case of many others, when we finally remember and admit what happened to us, our first instinct is to stop the perpetrator from reoffending. Obviously we are putting the safety of others b...

In my last two posts I described my recent experience of EMDR and how it really helped me. In this post I’d like to explain in further detail why I needed that therapy. As a result of being frequently reminded of my past, I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was suffering from the most typical symptom – re-experiencing. I was involuntarily and vividly reliving the traumatic event in the form of nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts and images.  I would panic and feel angry when reminded of the trauma. I was frequently anxious and found it difficult to relax and sleep. In addition, my physical health was affected, I suffered from headaches, dizziness and stomach problems. The part of the brain that is responsible for memory and emotion is called the hippocampus. In people with PTSD, the hippocampus may appear smaller in size and therefore the malfunctioning hippocampus is unable to properly process memories and flashbacks. Treatment of PTSD results in process...

I’ve decided to write a follow-up post about my experience of EMDR therapy. I want to share my experience as much as possible in the hope that other survivors will become aware of how beneficial EMDR can be. I didn’t know anything about EMDR prior to my counsellor suggesting it but when I did my own research, I found it quite fascinating.                         I’m going to try to analyse my own case. I was sexually abused repeatedly over many years so my natural coping mechanisms became overloaded. As a result, the memories remained frozen in my brain and unprocessed, in a raw form. Every time I heard the perpetrator's name I would experience painful feelings such as panic and anger, those feelings were constantly triggered and I was unable to live in the present. EMDR enabled me to process the traumatic memories in a natural way and has enabled me to live in the present again.             ...