The Blemished Rose

The Christmas holiday season can be filled with angst, grief and pain, and is a challenging time for many. As a survivor and practising psychotherapist, I am very aware of the anxiety and struggles that trauma survivors experience prior to the holidays. The decision to spend time with family may be made out of obligation and wanting to please others. However, while some families prepare for happy reunions, many trauma survivors dread the holidays and the thought of spending time with family members who may have been the source of their trauma. Time spent with family can trigger painful memories and grief, especially if the family are insensitive and mention the abuser’s name or other family members who may have disbelieved the survivor. Self-compassion The holidays can bring up some very difficult feelings in our mind as well as the body, which stores trauma within, so self-compassion is important during this time. You may find yourself overindulging to comfort yourself; if that’s ...

It’s the time of year when many families around the world come together, and celebrate in unison. It’s unfortunate that many of those families don’t unite in peace but instead, old family feuds are brought up and emotions intensify. I think that when most people think about Christmas, good or bad memories spring to mind. For some people it might bring them joy and peace when they think back to Christmas festivities. For others it might bring painful memories of suffering and miserable times. In my case, I have a mixture of both positive and negative memories. Although I experienced abuse as a child, I have to say that most of my childhood Christmas memories are good. I have fond memories of my Nan coming to stay with us every year, enjoying good food together and opening presents from under the tree on Christmas morning. There was only one Christmas spent in Italy, in the company of the abuser. Ironically, it’s been in adult life that I’ve had to live with stress and strong em...

This year I spent the Christmas holidays back in the land where many a horrible thing has happened to me. Although I felt calmer this year, I still waited in anticipation as the month of January loomed over me like a grey cloud. It was nice being with my close family and choosing who I would/wouldn't see. My take on it is that I can count on one hand who I trust in my family, the rest I'm not bothered about seeing. I refuse to visit people who just want to gossip and stab each other in the back. January is always the worst month of the year for me and no matter how hard I try to block out memories, they still find their way into little cracks in my mind. Ironically, this year they just couldn't wait to get to me. On New Year's Day at dawn I awoke with what felt like a thorn stabbing at my heart. My heart was racing at what felt like 100mph and my head felt like it was going to explode. I arose and went to drink lots of water, thinking I was possibly dehydrated. After tw...

Everyone experiences ups and downs in life, as they say, it's like a rollercoaster. Sometimes I wonder why we are thrown certain obstacles that we have to tackle; perhaps they help us build up strength so that next time it's not as difficult to jump over the hurdle. Something that seems to be constantly thrown in my face though is happy families. I must admit that sometimes it's hard to face something I never had and possibly never will have. Coming from a disjointed family makes it rather difficult seeing others who appear to be so happy. I watched a movie today that featured a large family. Although they had clearly been through a lot together, watching them have fun didn't make me laugh but made me feel sad. They went through bad times together but spoke openly about their feelings and emotions, something my family could never do. In my family, feelings were expressed through shouting, violence, anger and arguments. It was a lot of hot air for nothing that left e...