Surviving the Christmas holidays

The Christmas holiday season can be filled with angst, grief and pain, and is a challenging time for many. As a survivor and practising psychotherapist, I am very aware of the anxiety and struggles that trauma survivors experience prior to the holidays. The decision to spend time with family may be made out of obligation and wanting to please others. However, while some families prepare for happy reunions, many trauma survivors dread the holidays and the thought of spending time with family members who may have been the source of their trauma. Time spent with family can trigger painful memories and grief, especially if the family are insensitive and mention the abuser’s name or other family members who may have disbelieved the survivor.

Self-compassion

The holidays can bring up some very difficult feelings in our mind as well as the body, which stores trauma within, so self-compassion is important during this time. You may find yourself overindulging to comfort yourself; if that’s the case, be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you’re trying to survive. But if you self-harm or binge, consider calling a friend, helpline, or connecting with a self-help group for support. It’s very important to be around people who are safe and sensitive, as well as doing things to remain in the here and now, such as cooking, walking in nature or painting.

It’s important to know that you don’t have to feel obliged to endure further traumatisation in your life for the sake of others’ happiness. You can make changes that are safe and acceptable for your mental health. If you need to make new holiday traditions, then do what you feel is best. Perhaps you may consider going away for a short break or letting go of society’s expectations and spending time alone.

Grieve

The winter holidays are meant to be a time of joy, but for many trauma survivors can be very painful. It hurts to know that family have been the reason for your ongoing trauma, and it hurts to let go of hopes that things might change. Take time to grieve for the safe haven family you never had, perhaps in the form of poetry, journal writing or just having a good cry. Ultimately, be kind to yourself and remember that you endured things that no one should ever have to experience. Remind yourself that it’s natural for memories to resurface during the holidays but that new ones can be made in a safe and loving manner.