The Blemished Rose

The Christmas holiday season can be filled with angst, grief and pain, and is a challenging time for many. As a survivor and practising psychotherapist, I am very aware of the anxiety and struggles that trauma survivors experience prior to the holidays. The decision to spend time with family may be made out of obligation and wanting to please others. However, while some families prepare for happy reunions, many trauma survivors dread the holidays and the thought of spending time with family members who may have been the source of their trauma. Time spent with family can trigger painful memories and grief, especially if the family are insensitive and mention the abuser’s name or other family members who may have disbelieved the survivor. Self-compassion The holidays can bring up some very difficult feelings in our mind as well as the body, which stores trauma within, so self-compassion is important during this time. You may find yourself overindulging to comfort yourself; if that’s ...

We’re all living in uncertain times as cities and countries are going into lockdown during this Covid-19 pandemic. Along with fear of the unknown comes anxiety and catastrophizing which can spiral into a whirlwind of panic. But we mustn’t let a pandemic make us feel like victims; we can’t control what is happening out there but we can control ourselves. There are things that we can do to manage anxiety and fear at a time like this. Limit media time It’s inevitable that during a pandemic we want to be informed on the latest countrywide and worldwide news and updates, but there’s a lot of misinformation and fearmongering out there so be discerning about what you read. Limit the amount of time you spend watching the news as this can feed your anxiety rather than ease it. Perhaps consider having a specific time that you check for updates each day and keep it at that. If it is easier for you to avoid media altogether, ask someone you trust to pass on important information to you...

PTSD often causes physical symptoms in people due to a release of hormones. People with PTSD will often keep releasing these hormones even when no longer in danger as ‘fight or flight’ is the natural learnt response. Recently I explained the process of flashbacks to colleagues, and thought it might be worth writing about from first-hand knowledge. In essence, flashbacks are an experience in which one relives a traumatic event and feels as though it is happening at that moment; they're often a result of PTSD, which can be a unique experience to each person that experiences it. When I endured flashbacks, my body would become rigid and I would feel like I was back in that awful place from my past. They would usually be brief but I believe that for some people they can persist for hours or even days. Overall, the flashbacks felt horrible and I often felt so alone and helpless during those episodes. Thankfully I had a great therapist who helped me to cope with them and eventually I ...

Child sexual abuse (CSA) has lifelong effects that are often not recognised or understood. Sexual abuse usually takes place in secret and is therefore kept secret. Due to the silence surrounding CSA, children are forced to endure the abuse and its effects alone. As a result, adult survivors often continue to feel alone and isolated. It is quite common for survivors to not remember the details but only have a vague recollection that something wrong has happened. As a child I learnt many coping mechanisms, one of which was to pretend nothing was wrong. My story had been written but I decided to rip it to shreds, lock it up in a cupboard and throw away the key. That locked cupboard remained untouched for many years until one tragic day; the day I found the key to my inner pain and depression. During the ensuing period I can only describe what I experienced as shock and inner turmoil. My whole life had been turned upside down in a split second and I felt alone and helpless. It would be...