The Blemished Rose

Last September when I met my MP to air my views about mental health services in the UK, I was unsure of the consequences but went ahead nonetheless. I remember telling him that I would like to be a spokesperson for other survivors of abuse and I stand by that statement. Now that I have the strength to come forward and speak out I don’t think I’ll ever look back. A letter was sent on my behalf to Mike Penning MP (Minister of State for Policing, Crime, Criminal Justice and Victims) outlining my views on the lack of counselling facilities for CSA survivors. I highlighted the lack of resources in the south London area in particular. In Mr Penning’s response he stated that in recognition of the demand for services of rape support centres, the Ministry of Justice has awarded an uplift of £2 million to organisations it supports. He also said that I should contact Rape Crisis if I am in need of counselling services. I am aware of Rape Crisis and the good work that they do, however, last year...

There are a number of subjects I'd like to write about in the next couple of posts. Seeing as I live in the land of lies, I figured I'd start with the topic of lies and betrayal. In just 33 years of my life so far, I've seen so much, been through so much and learnt lots of things about people and the world. I dread to think how many times I've been lied to in those 33 years. Living in a country where it's common practice to lie to save face can be tough for someone who has issues trusting people. Of course, people all around the world lie for a variety of reasons but some lies are more damaging or hurtful than others.. When I think of the topic of lies and betrayal, one life experience always springs to mind. It all started one night when I was at a house party with a friend. I hardly drank any alcohol but became increasingly drowsy and eventually passed out. The next morning my friend and I awoke, as I got up from the bed I noticed that my tights were ripped...

This evening I looked back at old posts that I wrote on a forum, the majority of which I wrote when I had a major crisis in 2006. There’s an interesting post where I mentioned something that my therapist once said to me, which was: “You’re very strong, one day you’ll see it.” When I finished having therapy due to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, I felt so strong and confident. However, 2 months after finishing therapy I was raped. I suddenly felt like I had taken a massive jump back. Because I was working as a teacher, I had to take time off work as I lost a lot of confidence. Unfortunately, some people showed their true colours during that very low time in my life and now that I’m strong I want to write about it here. I want people to realise what it feels like to suffer so much injustice in life and the effects it has. I confided in the colleagues at my school and I was shocked when one colleague asked me if I thought I had really been raped as I had been drugged. Of ...