Monday, 11 April 2011

You're very strong, one day you'll see it...

This evening I looked back at old posts that I wrote on a forum, the majority of which I wrote when I had a major crisis in 2006. There’s an interesting post where I mentioned something that my therapist once said to me, which was:

“You’re very strong, one day you’ll see it.”

When I finished having therapy due to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, I felt so strong and confident. However, 2 months after finishing therapy I was raped. I suddenly felt like I had taken a massive jump back. Because I was working as a teacher, I had to take time off work as I lost a lot of confidence. Unfortunately, some people showed their true colours during that very low time in my life and now that I’m strong I want to write about it here. I want people to realise what it feels like to suffer so much injustice in life and the effects it has.

I confided in the colleagues at my school and I was shocked when one colleague asked me if I thought I had really been raped as I had been drugged. Of course I had, the flashbacks in my head were very real! How dare someone question me in such a time of need.

I’m glad to say that I confronted that person the following day and said that they had no right to say what they did. That person apologised and said that they were playing devil’s advocate…

I never have been a fan of management and unfortunately the managers at that work place were the most insensitive I’ve ever come across. I trusted that my situation would remain confidential. However, when head office put pressure on my manager he buckled and told them the reason I was off work. I felt betrayed, especially when I had confided in him about what had happened to me.

When I returned to work, I told my manager I would have to leave early one day a week, as I had to go for therapy. Again, I was shown insensitivity and the area manager said:

“Tell her to put it in writing.”

Someone has just been raped and you want her to put it in writing?

Insensitive is an understatement!

I’m proud to say that when I later saw that manager at work I had a private word with him. I told him that what he did was very insensitive especially as he knew the reason I was taking time off. He apologised and said that he was still learning….

My therapist was right, I am strong and looking back, I’m amazed at the strength I showed at that low point in my life too.

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