Birthday revelation

On the morning of my recent birthday this year, I quietly contemplated my life and previous celebrations. A tear rolled down my cheek as I started to remember my younger self trying to look happy, but on the inside she was in pain and felt very confused. It was such a powerful memory because as I delved deep inside my soul, I was able to tap into a buried emotion that I didn’t know still existed. Upon reflection, I realise that I felt overwhelmed by people’s kindness and attention on that annual day; behaviour that can easily confuse a child who is being abused. And the end of the day would culminate in an anti-climax that would often lead me to feel very low and tearful. That poor little girl was crying out for help internally but no one could hear her.

Over the years I haven’t always enjoyed or wanted to celebrate my birthday and I now understand why. The low self-worth that was ingrained from a young age remained with me for a long time, and as a result, I didn’t feel worthy of people’s care or attention. Self-care is something that survivors of abuse have to learn in adult life and it can take time to reach a point where it feels natural. In addition, repressed memories that start to emerge during the healing process are often very prominent ones about events such as acts of abuse or birthday celebrations. Having such contradictory memories would understandably deter a survivor from wanting to celebrate. 

This year, I felt a positive change in myself on my birthday. I no longer wanted the day to end quickly so that people would forget me. Instead I made the most of the whole day and enjoyed it. A friend commented that I looked very happy and I would say that is an accurate description of my true emotions. I certainly won’t forget this one and I am truly grateful to the people who showed me kindness. 

I will endeavour to use what I have learnt from my own process in the work I do to help others. And I hope that we may all be mindful of the visible and equally invisible emotions that children display. If a child doesn’t want to celebrate a birthday, don’t force him/her but try to do something they wish to do. However, if a child is showing signs of unhappiness and lack of motivation, there will be an underlying reason for it which will need unravelling. A parent/ adult could try talking to the child or if need be find a trained therapist who may be able to help. It is only through open communication and being able to notice signs that we may be able to stop abuse in the future. Abuse is a complex subject, which is why I continue to write about it, not only to understand it more myself but also to help others.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fitting in

When you enter this world and don’t fit in, it can be tough but I guess I’ve kind of got used to it over the years. So why is it that if your face doesn’t fit you’re seen as an outcast and rejected by society? Is it right to ostracise someone because they seem ‘weird’ to you? Perhaps before judging someone, people should consider what the person may have gone through in their life and issues they may have. People should also accept that everyone’s different and no one’s perfect. This is just one of my observations in life, witnessed especially during my experiences of living in various foreign countries. People tend to cluster together like lost sheep but if you ain’t the same colour you ain’t allowed in the flock. Not fitting in with society is possibly a good thing- it means you’re individual at least. Perhaps it’s not a case of fitting in but merely a case of there being different groups of people in the world who connect with each other. I’m very lucky to be part of Pandora’s Aquar...
Read more

Observing greed

I feel the need to post about this subject as it's something I frequently observe in life. People who have money often want more. Some people have so much money that they don't know what to do with it. Instead of investing in something worthwhile, they'll whittle it away on useless luxuries. What eventually happens is these people see only themselves and things that they want. They fail to see others in need.. A memory springs to mind: As I walk down the street appreciating the air I breathe and the nature around me, I suddenly see a ghastly sight. A woman walking briskly with a paper coffee cup in her hand, trailing behind her is a puny little man overloaded with shopping bags and his girlfriend's designer handbag. She tosses the paper cup in the gutter and tells him to hurry up as she has more shopping to do. Both of them are completely oblivious to everyone else around them, they are in their own little bubble. I've particularly observed scenes of this natu...
Read more

Music triggers

I mentioned in a previous post how music can trigger good or bad memories. I’m sure that most people can relate to this. Today a song played during the closing credits of a TV programme and it triggered an old memory. The song was “Shout” by Tears for Fears. Listening to that song took me back to the summer of 1985 in Italy, when I was 7. A young Italian boy there didn’t speak English but he knew the lyrics to that song and he kept singing over and over: “Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without” The lyrics are rather poignant and it’s ironic how the boy didn’t understand what he was singing. That boy was another one of the poor children who suffered at the hands of my abusive uncle. The point I’m trying to make with this post is that survivors don’t constantly live in the past, however, there are things that may happen in our everyday lives that force us to remember the times that weren’t so nice. Many of us have memories that have been repressed for m...
Read more