Reasons for a narcissist's anger

Those of you who have encountered a narcissist will know that they have an inability to manage anger in a successful manner. You may have even called them out for their anger issues only to be met with a dismissive reply. Although we may be able to see their flaws, they are unfortunately unable to process and understand the reasons behind their angry outbursts.

It’s very uncommon for a narcissist to take responsibility for the anger they display, instead they are blame shifters and will most likely blame the other person for the way that they feel rather than looking within themselves. In their eyes the problem will always be the other person and never themselves. Their self-aggrandising attitude makes them believe that they are perfect and that everyone else needs to change to fit in with their way of being.

Let’s look at some of the underlying reasons for a narcissist’s anger. Deep down they are experiencing a lot of internal pain that will probably date back to their early childhood. Their behaviour could be compared to that of a four year old child having a tantrum who isn’t articulate enough to express their emotions properly. It’s like a narcissist is emotionally stuck in that child state and is equally unable to regulate their emotions due to feeling hurt on the inside.

As narcissists are unable to develop self-awareness and grow as a person, they believe that everyone else thinks in the same way they do. So if you try to question their attitude or beliefs in any way, they’ll react with arrogance and a sense of superiority. Their core belief is ‘You’re beneath me' stemming from their own sense of inadequacy. By displaying anger, they try to gain control of the situation and will always want to have the final say.

Narcissists will always think they’re right and it is very difficult to reason with them. In fact during their displays of anger you may find that it’s very one sided because they shout at you. Their core belief is 'You must listen to me, but I will not listen to you!' Obviously these individuals are incapable of showing empathy as they feel that everything revolves around them, and they feel that they are entitled to the attention that they perhaps never received as a young child.

A narcissist will make other people feel that they are the problem when, in reality, they have deep emotional issues and pain that they project onto others. They wear a false mask in public and are dishonest with themselves, that’s why sadly they don’t grow as people but stay stuck in an immature child state. When dealing with a narcissist, you’ll probably find that they never change or learn to regulate their emotions, so if you find yourself on the receiving end of their anger, make sure you have boundaries in place and behave in an assertive manner. Their anger issues are not your priority, instead make yourself a priority and focus on being a healthy, happy person.