When I was the age they call ‘sweet 16’ I wrote a song titled: “I’m All Alone Again” and now, at twice that age, I suddenly feel the very same sentiment. I guess I’ll always be a loner and that’s something I just need to accept. It’s strange how I’ve come full circle and now find myself almost back in that same situation- kind of a weird flashback.
I’ve recently realised many things about my life and the jigsaw pieces have finally fallen into place, so to speak. One night I prayed for answers through endless tears and it’s strange how they suddenly came to me and hit me like a sharp blast of wind.
Sometimes we don’t realise what has happened to us until we reflect and look for the reasons why things occurred in our life. I recently had a memory of me as a young girl on the swing in the garden, making up songs and singing for hours on end. Then at 16 years of age, I lost all the things that I had going for me and hid away like a shrinking violet. My passion for music, dance and playing the flute disintegrated, my love of poetry and song writing vanished into thin air and my inner child was lost somewhere in the wilderness.
Then one day my prayers were answered and everything now makes sense. Through the work I did on connecting with my inner child, I started doing the things I loved and lost as a child. It began with poetry as a way of releasing my feelings during therapy. I then fell in love with the saxophone, eventually bought my own, and started playing it. I also bought a flute and felt myself connect with the girl who learnt how to play it all those years ago. The next thing to emerge from me was songs and I started writing with passion. From my love of music, I was then able to start expressing myself through dance once again.
Looking back, I grieve for that young girl who was lost for many years, unable to connect fully with the adult she had become. Now, she is a part of me and I must hold onto her, care for her, love her and allow her to bloom into that beautiful rose she should have always been.