The Blemished Rose

Confronting my abuser was something I decided to do towards the end of my therapy, so I asked my counsellor what her opinion was and she told me if it was what I wanted, that I should do it. Therefore, I had a few extra counselling sessions in order to prepare for the confrontation. During those sessions, I practiced what I wanted to say to the abuser and my counsellor and I did a kind of role-play. She prepared me for the worst by pretending to walk away from me and not want to listen. Finally, that all-important day arrived where I would confront the person who abused me all those years ago. I felt very strong as I was travelling to the house with my father and as though I had nerves of steel. When I was face to face with the abuser, I didn’t shout but calmly said, “I’ve come here to say, I’m not scared of you, you can’t hurt me anymore and I will come here when I want. I did nothing wrong but you did.” “You’re talking about something that happened 20 years ago.” He blurted out. ...

I’m a firm believer in seeing the funny side to things and turning negatives into positives. I’ve been reminiscing today about when I lived in Italy and my father arranged for me to see a counsellor. After having an initial session with a psychiatrist I was referred to a counsellor in the hospital. I still have vivid memories of being sat in her dim office; the curtains were drawn so there was barely any light. She sat smoking a fag and asked me a few questions, which I struggled to answer. I felt so uncomfortable in that bleak room, there were awkward silences and she didn’t make me feel at ease. Also, even though I speak fluent Italian, it just wasn’t the same having therapy in another language. For some reason I returned for another session and it was even worse, the counsellor sat slouched in her chair pulling her fringe down over her eyes! Needless to say, I didn’t return to her as it just wasn’t going anywhere. Fortunately, when I started having therapy in the UK I had an amazing...

When you enter this world and don’t fit in, it can be tough but I guess I’ve kind of got used to it over the years. So why is it that if your face doesn’t fit you’re seen as an outcast and rejected by society? Is it right to ostracise someone because they seem ‘weird’ to you? Perhaps before judging someone, people should consider what the person may have gone through in their life and issues they may have. People should also accept that everyone’s different and no one’s perfect. This is just one of my observations in life, witnessed especially during my experiences of living in various foreign countries. People tend to cluster together like lost sheep but if you ain’t the same colour you ain’t allowed in the flock. Not fitting in with society is possibly a good thing- it means you’re individual at least. Perhaps it’s not a case of fitting in but merely a case of there being different groups of people in the world who connect with each other. I’m very lucky to be part of Pandora’s Aquar...

The human body fascinates me in the way it can heal itself mentally and physically. I’m also still amazed how the human body recognizes it is experiencing something traumatic and therefore produces a defence mechanism to assist in blocking out the pain, Research suggests that some children repeatedly exposed to trauma E.g. Sexual, physical or emotional abuse develop what I believe is a gift from God called ‘dissociation.’ Dissociation is like a survival strategy which enables children to ‘switch off’ psychologically from the traumatic experience. Ever found yourself having ‘one of those days’ where you just can’t snap out of it? Is it good to continue using this technique when danger no longer exists in your life? Today I found myself dissociating in a normal every day situation and I just couldn't snap out of my ‘spaced out’ self. I was asked an ordinary question by someone and just couldn’t reply. I somehow managed to get him to repeat what he had said. While he was asking me if ...